I was mortified to find out that we would be writing under pseudonyms this semester. In part, because I STRONGLY believe in putting your name on your work and standing by your words – even if they are inflammatory or unpopular. I think that, because I struggled with the concept of writing under a name that was not my own, my writing became uncomfortable, stiff and lifeless. The thought of having to stick to one subject all semester was also stressful – I’ve never been able to stick to anything in my life…hell, its a damn miracle that I didn’t switch majors at any point through college. I suddenly felt really boxed in…trapped in a small space along side a person I didn’t recognize, who was about to ruin a topic I love, in a voice that I couldn’t stand. It was going to be a long seven weeks.
This person I created…well…she actually does exist. That is, did exist. Frances C. Perkins (ha, get it?) spent a large majority of her life here in Worcester and served as the U.S. Secretary of Labor from 1933 to 1945 and was the first woman appointed to the U.S. Cabinet. She was a badass. In a time when women had only had voting rights for a decade, here she was in the US Cabinet. I wanted to channel some of that…but the truth is, I’m not that…I’m just me and that’s cool too.
Something about having to sit down to write under a deadline made me want to sit down and write for myself. So I did and came up with ‘A Masterpiece‘ and for the first time all semester, I could hear myself again. It was a serious version of myself…but it was recognizable. The only time I think I came close to writing like myself was in the Devils Advocate piece, and I didn’t know how to bring that voice to the surface in other pieces, but I think it will be easier from here on out. I feel like the voice in my last handful of pieces have been more successful than when I started. In part because I finally realized that I could write like ME and not feel like I had to write like someone else. A name doesn’t have to define a writer or their voice – it’s up to the writer to create and define it for them self.
I think if there were a couple of things I learned/re-learned this semester:
- I still write better when I’m under pressure…those 11pm submissions on Sunday nights were not accidental or due to poor planning…quite the opposite.
- Writing is easier with inspiration, because for me – inspiration can be encouragement. Sometimes that means reading a short story, or listening to well-written song, or looking at articles/pictures/blogs. This is the first class that I was able to read for pleasure through and it helped a lot to be able to get lost in a story and walk away feeling like I could do the same one day.
- It feels…good (maybe?) to be vulnerable in your writing sometimes, and that is okay.
Next? Well, keep writing I guess. Maybe make it a goal to write something on (at least) a weekly basis. I don’t know…I always wanted to try to publish a book of short stories. Maybe that’s a thing I could go back to thinking about. In retrospect, I would have ditched the pseudonym for something more generic…I was so hellbent on having some deep ‘Worcester connection’ that I created a person who already existed, that I obviously wasn’t going to be to craft that into something too original. I did the best I could with it…I wouldn’t do it again. I’d likely just use my own name in the future. The blog name stays though…I’ve got a terrible habit of buying URL domains for you know…just in case I ever want to use them. I bought www.theworcestersauce.com a few years ago, so I (at the very least) would have a place to put my online ramblings.
I don’t think I would have chosen another beat…I started the semester thinking I was going to create an internet resource for event reviews and gallery openings. There was one issue with that…summer is the SLOW season for exhibits. There has been just one in the past couple of months…my big plan had to be revised almost immediately as the semester started. Its a well known fact that the best writers write about what they know. I think I started there and will continue on that note.
Where do we go from here? I really don’t know…but I think this was a good learning opportunity to put me back in tune with my own voice…so I think I’m just going to go out there and make some noise.